What about motherfucking Raja Bell?

Hello friends,   It is I, the Handsome Right-hander, Back to make a ple to all you NBA teams with Trillions to spend.  Please consider spending Millions on Raja Bell.  Now, I will ask you to forget about the fact that he is a sub-par player, 145th best forward in the league, and slow-fotted on defense.  OVERLOOK that stuff, because Raja Bell need to feed his family.  I only ask that you becareful with Raja bell and his tender heart of glass, because it breaks easy.  I have a crazy, but intriguing theory, that Raja Bell will bring about the apocalypse.  It goes something like this:

1) Amare Stoudamire leaves Phoenix, and signs a 5 yr, 100 Million dollar contract with the New York Assholes Knicks.

2) Chris Bosh gets signed to a 6 year, 126 Million dollar deal with the Toronto Raptors, then gets traded to Cleveland to be teamed up with LeBron James.  Clevelend sends an assortment of players, non-perishable foodstuffs, and a couple of used Cleaveland Cavalier sweatpants circa 1979.  Somehow, Mark Price, who retired in 1994 will be included in the deal, even though he is currently a Real Estate Agent.

3)  Dewayne Wade will see that no one is coming to help him win a title in Miami, so he will take the Bulls Max contact offer.  

4) Miami, losing its only star, will go after the 4th, 5th 6th best players available, but since they know they suck, they will try to sign with the Bulls, Cleaveland, or Assholes.  

5) New Jersey, will panic and sign  Shaquille ONeal to a deal, then, immediately regret it

6) Miami, will field a team of miscreants, naer-do-wells, and leftovers from the streetball tv show "AND 1."

7) All teams will think they have a good team to compete with, and only be missing a veteran role player. 

8)  All teams will simultaneously see that Raja Bell is both unemployed, and available, and bid on his services. 

9) The price for a Raja bell will skyrocket to astronomical sums.

10)  The league will meet next year for a new collective barganing agreement and say "How the hell can you cry about being broke when some jackass like Raja Bell is making 500 Million Dollars?"  The Basketball player's union will look all sad and shit, but have no answer for the Bell Contract.

11) The NBA will fold, and thousands of high school kids will have no dreams or aspirations.

12) Crime will rise, international strife will rise, and Obama will have nothing to play in order to relax.

13)  War will come, and when Obama cannot speechify it away, he will push the button, and the world will end.

In summary, as you sit there in the unemployment line, soup kitchen line, or tied to your cubicle worrying about how you will paythe mortgage, please PLEASE consider Raja Bell, and the fact that he will only make 600 Million dollars.  I am working feverishly to set up a website where we can collect money for RAJA BELL.  http://www.rajabellcansmokemypole.com/.  Thanks for reading and for caring about Raja Bell. 

The Handsome Right-Hander

Sports Guy

Humanitarian

Hater of the New Yrok Assholes

     

\

Mormonism

I think Joseph Smith, founder of Mormonism, is full of shit.

Signed

EVERYONE

Identity or Memory?

We were all once children. We are older, wiser, fatter. and in my case, balder and more awesome.  However, we are the same person.  We have all heard expressions like "The day I became a man," or "The day my childhood ended."  I ask you now, Under what conditions is an individual at one time the same person as an individual at another time? 

I tend to side with people who say that it is our memory that helps us determine who we are, rather, our Identity.  A scientist creating a machine could theoretically disintigrate your body, and make it appear in another machine with the same organic matter down to the molecule, but would your memories exist?  memories are not made of molecules.  The machine can get the scar above your left eyebrow from when you cut yourself giving yourself a Vanilla Ice line in your eyebrow, but would it get your memory of your first kiss right?

I believe we are all the same person we were as children, just older and wiser.  A beard does not make you a man, nor does sexual activity, because we have all seen plenty of teenage moms, and grammar school wispy moustaches.  I believe we make decisions to etablish our own identities.  Say a fat kid wants to lift weights and get in shape, he does this to change his body, and create a new identity for himself.  This instance however, is based on memory because the memory of torment, or how their body used to look, is the stimulus for change. 

We have identity roles that we are born with:  man, woman, red-head, albino, etc.  We also have people who seek to change their roles.  I know women who  have dyed their hair so many times they forget their natural color.  They are the same person though, through the style changes, because they REMEMBER who they are.  One remembers who they are because of their established identities, and one has an identity because the remember what they once were, or are. 

The Raving Lunatic
I can beat you in a debate, or streetfight

The D.R.E.A.M. Act

Obama was on the news this mornig talking about immigration reform.  The basic rundown was like this:
1) Obama said he wants immigration reform
2) Obama said he supports the D.R.E.A.M Act
3) Obama said he needs Republican votes to pass it
4) Obama got all serious and shit.

I saw it this way:
1) The Gulf is still fucked up
2) There is a Democratic Supermajority in congress right now
3) Obama is attempting to appeal to voters to keep Deocrats in office so they can think about the immigration reform some more, before ultimately doing nothing about it.
4) Since immigrants have no money, BP's inaction is basically a condemnation of Democrats, and once Republicans get in power again, BP will clean up the mess in about 15 minutes

For what is worth, I think the we need to start talking about the D.R.E.A.M Act.  If we get passionate about it, and carry the fight over to the elections in November, we can get a clean gulf AND immigration reform. Hooray for liberty! 

The Development, Relief and Education for Alien Minors Act (The "DREAM Act") is a piece of proposed federal legislation in the United States that was introduced in the United States Senate, and the United States House of Representatives on March 26, 2009. This bill would provide certain illegal alien students who graduate from US high schools, who are of good moral character, arrived in the U.S. as minors, and have been in the country continuously for at least five years prior to the bill's enactment, the opportunity to earn conditional permanent residency. The alien students would obtain temporary residency for a six year period. Within the six year period, a qualified student must have "acquired a degree from an institution of higher education in the United States or [have] completed at least 2 years, in good standing, in a program for a bachelor's degree or higher degree in the United States," or have "served in the uniformed services for at least 2 years and, if discharged, [have] received an honorable discharge." "Any alien whose permanent resident status is terminated [according to the terms of the Act] shall return to the immigration status the alien had immediately prior to receiving conditional permanent resident status under this Act."

According to the 2009 version of the senate bill[9], DREAM Act beneficiaries must:

1) Have proof of having arrived in the United States before age 16.


2) Have proof of residence in the United States for a least five consecutive years since their date of arrival, compliance with Selective Service.


3) Be between the ages of 12 and 35 at the time of bill enactment.


4) Have graduated from an American high school or obtained a GED.


5) Be of "good moral character"


During the first six years, the immigrant would be granted "conditional" status, and would be required to graduate from a two-year community college or complete at least two years towards a 4-year degree, or serve two years in the U.S. military. After the six year period, an immigrant who met at least one of these three conditions would be eligible to apply for legal permanent resident status. During this six year conditional period, immigrants would not be eligible for federal higher education grants such as Pell grants, but they would be able to apply for student loans and work study.
     If the immigrant did not meet the educational or military service requirement within the six year time period, their temporary residence would be revoked and they would be removable. They also must not commit any crimes other than those considered non-drug related misdemeanors, regardless of whether or not they have already been approved for permanent status at the end of their six years. Being convicted of a major crime, or drug-related infraction would automatically remove the six year temporary residence status and they would be subject to deportation.
If the immigrant met all of the conditions at the end of the 6-year conditional period, they would be granted permanent residency, which would eventually allow them to become U.S. citizens.  An estimated 65,000 immigrant students graduate from high school each year. However, it is not known how many of those were eligible go on to complete the further requirements. It is estimated that currently only 7,000–13,000 college students nationally can fulfill the further obligations, a drastic drop from the already limited pool of those initially eligible.


The bill also restores the option for states to determine residency for purposes of higher education benefits by repealing Section 505 of the Illegal Immigration Reform and Immigrant Responsibility Act (IIRIRA) of 1996 (8 U.S.C. 1623). The majority of states interpret this provision as disqualifying unauthorized students from certain higher education benefits such as in-state tuition rates. Some states have enacted laws aimed at making unauthorized state residents eligible for in-state tuition rates without violating this IIRIRA provision However, some students paying out-of-state tuition have filed lawsuits in these states, claiming state education officials violated this federal law.  Repealing this provision would provide states the ability to choose their own residency requirements for higher education benefits.

"The shepherd drives the wolf from the sheep's for which the sheep thanks the shepherd as his liberator, while the wolf denounces him for the same act as the destroyer of liberty. Plainly, the sheep and the wolf are not agreed upon a definition of liberty - Abraham Lincoln"

Man as compared to Schrodinger's cat

Dear friends, I was asked today whether I consider myself a lover or a fighter,  I say I am both.  Folly you say?  "No," I say. I subscribe to the principle of duality.  "What the fuck is that?" you say?  Let my homeboy Schrödinger explain:

One can even set up quite ridiculous cases to explain the theory. Let's say a cat is trapped in a steel chamber, along with the following device (which must be secured against direct interference by the cat): in a Geiger counter, there is a tiny bit of radioactive substance, so small that perhaps in the course of the hour, one of the atoms decays, but also, with equal probability, perhaps none; if it happens, the counter tube discharges, and through a relay releases a hammer that shatters a small flask of hydrocyanic acid. If one has left this entire system to itself for an hour, one would say that the cat still lives if meanwhile no atom has decayed. The psi-function of the entire system would express this by having in it the living and dead cat (pardon the expression) mixed or smeared out in equal parts.

     For a while, the cat is both alive AND dead.  Its only when you check the box that you remove one of the two possibilites.  Man is BOTH good AND evil.  Its only when faced with certian situations that we become one or the other.  The truth of the matter is that we choose what we want to be, and nothing happens until we choose.  In the famous Schrodinger experiment, nothing happens untill WE revoe the lid and eliminate one of the 2 possibillities. 

In the end, I come to the conclusion that essentially, I am a lover until I need to be a fighter, and a fighter until I get to some loving.  I am a lover, but I like to fight so don;t get any ideas.

The Raving Lunatic

Raphael De La Ghetto on.........

Katy Perry looks like a lot of fun.

The Handsome Right-Hander

Hello sports fans,

     It is I, the handsome Right-Hander, back to speak on Championships.  Yesterday, a friend got me to go to a Cubs game.  He got a couple of 4 dollar tickets.  At the low, low price of 4 dollars, I will go and watch a little league game.  It turns out, I did see a little league game.  I saw Derrek Lee and Tyler Colvin make 2 errors each, and Fontenot, Theriot, and KOYIYIYIE (Pronounced KOI) Hill all give up on more than one at-bat by swinging half-assedly.  The night was bleak, and then I saw it. 

     Across the way, There was a brilliant flash in the humid night air.  I ran over to a camera man and spoke at a machine gun pace.  Across the way, There was Dave Bolland, Blackhawks player, and he had the Stanl;ey Cup with him!  The game was over pretty quickly, and the Cubs gave up in the 4th inning.  When the game had ended, my buddy and I ran over to see if we could get a glimpse of the cup.  Bolland was more than happy to hoist it over his head, and then come out into the crowd that has mobbed the streets and began chanting.  You can see it on facebook by looking up Jimmy Banda.

     It sucks that in the greatest city in the world, we cannot field winning teams.  The sox had a good thing, but tinkering led to bad results.  The Bulls always seem to be good, but never GREAT, The BEARS are like olympics, every 4 years they do something, The CUBS?  Lets not go there. We deserve better. Oh well, the BlackHawks own the city for the summer.  The cup is shiny, and all is forgotten.  Bears training camp is right around the corner. 

The Handsome Right-Hander