Hello evildoers,
I write to you today because I am intensely hungover, and because I met a dude at 3 in the morning who entertained the heck out of me. His name is Surbfbum Stu, and he would interject his wisdom in random points in our conversation. He is either a wise sage, or an idiot. I will let you decide:
Surfbum Stu on LOVE:
Cupid will take aim at your heart, killing you with the .45 he keeps handy for major assholes. Arrows are not brutal enough.
When it comes to making love I look at it this way: In some admittedly deviant cultures, blood on the ceiling is a sign you're doing something noteworthy.......
Remember: The sum of the pleasure of any two sides of a right-angle love triangle is equal to the underlying jealousy of the hypoteneuse. Pythagorus was a filthy pimp as well as learned mathematician
Surfbum Stu on Conspiracies:
I can't really help the way people feel about me, especially if the dumbasses refuse to listen to reason.
Topological mathematicians will soon find a way to define the Gaussian curvature of a surface M in such a way as to prove that you suck.
My horroscope always says "Through the impressive process of extending Orion's celestial finger, the stars indicate that you should fuck off."
Surfbum Stu on LIFE:
The dog next door spoke to me this morning with the voice of Satan, commanding me to bring it the unclean meat which masquerades as bacon but is not bacon. He also wanted to be scratched behind the ears. He has 3 legs, no tail, clipped ears, and 1 eye, and his name is "LUCKY"
Treating yourself to a piece of pie when things go well is a good idea, but remember that you said "well," you fat fucking hog—not "barely acceptable."
Remember: You can only run away from your problems for so long before you ghost your postion, they catch up to you, tackle you, drag you into a nearby alley, Slit your throat, and bleed you, real quiet, and leave you there.
While the fear of losing your individuality to a world built on conformity may indeed be distressing, dont trip chocolate chip: There are literally millions of other people out there who feel the exact same way.
I knew my mitochondria had their own DNA, but I had no idea that their taste in clothes was so different.
You and your belief that you are a pawn in a much larger game are mistaken. The game is not all that large.
It turns out that sneaking in and having sex on your boss' desk isn't as sexy as it sounds, especially with him taking phone calls the whole time and it being take your daughter to work day.
Buddha says that, while he may show you the way, only you can truly save yourself, proving once and for all that he's a lazy, fat bastard.
Surfbum Stu was buying every other round, so for a while I had high quality beer at a tasty price, and my own private court jester. It was a bright sunrise that following day, and the air was crisp and clean as if God had sprayed Lysol to wash away the filth and grime of the night before. Before I went home, in the still of the pre-dawn, I took out a cigarette, and paused. The music had long since died down, and everyone had gone home. I swirled around the last of my finely-aged single malt schotch whiskey, and listened to the growing groans of the people shrugging of their fitful slumbers to begin the new day. It was then that I noticed that Surfbum Stu had stolen my scooter.
Jokey Jokemaker316
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