Sex on the brain?

Hello friends,

     It is I, the Chooch Punisher, back again to anser your pressing questions.  Today I will focus on a letter from a man named Ismael Julio Lopez.  In it he says:

Dear Chooch,

     You are awesome, and I am not.  You must travel around the world slaying the finest chooch.  All  I do is sit around and yearn.  Have you ever yearned?  I mean yearn for the slow, smooth touch of a woman.  How much is too much time spent thinking about women?

Ismael Julio Lopez

Dear IJP,

     I love the ladies. I have trhe strengthand verility of ten men and one young boy.   I happen to think that there is never enough time for the ladies.  Since you are not as awesome as me, I have devised a little test to see if you think too much about sex. 

See if you find the following statements sexy or not, truthful or not:


1) Murmuring in a gutteral fashon, she slowly opened her cotton blouse to expose heaving breasts each with a swollen hard nipple.  She then lifted her hoop skirt to expose a pink glistening triangle of raven dark pubic hair...........


2)  Two women slowly manually self-stimulated to orgasm.  Anal and vaginal contraction waveforms were captured on a computer isolating synchronization contactions of orgasmic lumens.  Pelvic muscular forces started low, , increased theough the first half, and then slowly decreased. ........


3)  ...She feverishly worked the logorihm over and over until the desired result was spalshed all over the clean white sheet.......


4)  F = q[E + V x B)] 




5)  Do you have carpel tunnel syndrome due to excessive masturbation?



6)  Before masturbating, do you try to seduce your hand with disarming candid self-appraisals such as "You probably won'tbelieve this, but i used to be a fat kid," or "You may find this hard to believe, but I am very insecure?"


7) Has your onlibe porn fetish become so refined that less than 10 women in the world fit into it like Mature hairy Asian midget hypoglycemic type-o negative plumpers who like Cincinnatti bowties?


8)  Do you think AMC's Madmen should end every show with Christina Hendricks slathering half-melted smart balance on her naked body while undulating frenetically to Bobby Byrd's "Hot Pants (I'm Coming?)" 


9) Have you ever fantasized about orally pleasuring Katie Couric under her desk while she struggles to maintain her composure and narrate a story about artisianal tilapia fish harvesting in Papua New Guinea?  What about Tom Brokaw? 


10) When you meet a new couple in a public setting, do you tend to ignore the man/boyfriend, establish eye contact with the woman, and signal to her-wordlessly and with subtle gestures- that you would like to take her to a seedy motel and massage her pereneum with slightly warm almond oil?
What about filling her face with chicken McNuggets?  

 11) Do you believe ling up you our next sloppy blowjob is more of a priority that rebuilding Louisiana's crumbling infrastructure?


12) Would you have sex with someone whose politics you abhor (Say, a nazi or shite muslim) if she had a skiny waist and huge breasts?  Like, realy nice breasts?

13)  Do you find yourself being tossed helplessly across the bodies of boxom subway riders and often having to clutch desperately at their taut buttocks to prevent yourself frombeing tossed to the floor, even though the train has not left the station and is completely still?

14)  Do you like Blondes?


     If you answered honestly and can say "Yes" to any four of these questions, congrats, your a full-blown sex maniac. If you are a woman, call me.


Jokey Jokemaker 316