FUCK
Girl...How you doing today? Did I startle you? I'm sorry. I didn't realize you noticed me staring at your fine ass until you had been calling my name for like 5 minutes in the gym. I didn't mean to bother you, its just that I was on the elliptical machine staring at your fine ass and your ass got me through the last 2 miles of my workout. I need to personally thank your ass for my improved cardio. When I pointed out that fact that you wear a thong to the gym, so you must have wanted me to snap the strap that bisects yout booty, you got mad and left. I only half-managed to stick my hand down the back of your pants. You seemed mildly upset. I just wanted to call and apoligize and invite you over for make-up sex. So... How you doing?
I thought about our first meeting all day yesterday, and then decided to go out and get friendly advice on how to apporach you. You have to understand that Jimbo, T-Bone, Melly Mel, Cheesecakes, Stomachache, Borat, Schweez, and Pequeno and I went out to the strip club last night and had a few glasses of champagne—nothing like the fine stuff I would get for you, but still, it was pretty good. Okay, it was a few bottles, not glasses, but we were having a good time. But I left around two o'clock, when I realized how much I wanted you next to me fellating me. So, I know you are probably sleeping, and stole your number off of the front desk screen when the attendant looked away, but how about you come over tonight? You are really fine. And the Chooch Punisher's bed is very lonely without you.
Let me give you the rundown on what would happen, should you decide to come over.
First, while waiting for you to come over, I would drink plenty of water and maybe even heat up some of that excellent coffee I got from Hawaii, or wherever. You would know it's good stuff, because that's the way I roll. I like my coffee good, and my women with big asses. By the time you came over, it would be ready. I would prepare a cup just the way I imagine you would like it, in the finest porcelain mug, with a little bit of cream, and a packet of sweet and low, or that blue agave nectar honey from the Trader Joe's organic store behind the Borders in downtown LaGrange. The cup would be most fine, but if it did not please you, please keep in mind I've got others. If there isn't a cup that you like, I'll go down to that store that's open all night and get you a new one. I may even go back to the Trader Joe's organic store behind the Borders in downtown LaGrange. They have some good coffee mugs. I would go to China, or someplace, for a coffee mug, but I doubt they let me on a plane in my condition, you know what I'm saying? I am faded as fuck and have a big boner.
Shall I continue?
Okay, when you arrived at my house, I would be dressed in my finest silk pajamas, the red ones, with no bottoms on. You love the way they feel over my tight body. I know you would. If you would like to, you could bring over a change of clothes. I say this because you may have to work in the morning. All I know is, you could not hang around my place all day. If you would like it, I could leave my pajama bottoms off, because I'm feeling a little warm. You should hurry over and cool me down... I mean heat me up. I should just stop talking. I am blasted and I took a little ecstasy too.
Anyway, when you arrive at my house, I'll be in my pajamas. I will take your coat and say nice things about your hair, like, oh, I don't know, "It's like roasted chestnuts spun into hair." Then, I will kiss you passionately, rub my penis on your face, and maybe I'll offer you a drink. Oh yeah, I've got that coffee, but if you want a little something in it, that would be fine, too. If you don't want the coffee, that's okay, I'll drink it if you don't want any. The thing about the coffee is...
Sorry, baby. I got sidetracked. I am drunk, and rolling HARD.
I'd like to take this time to tell you that I really think—out of all the many, many women that the Punisher has been with—you could be the finest. That is no lie.
Anyway, after kissing you on the face and neck, I will lead you into the bedroom, where I will hit you doggy style all night long. Rest asured I can do it, too. Till the break of dawn is how I will hit it. I will get that slow, ball-slapping action going on, and slowly increase my speed. It will speed up and speed up until the moment when I pull your hair, slap your fine ass, and cum in your face. My cum will smell like fine coffee.
Shit girl. I wish you lived nearby, so you could be here in, like, two minutes. I've got to have you on me.
After the sexing, I would Falcon Punch you. later, you might want a little nap, or you might want to snuggle—either would be fine with me. as long as you washed your cum-filled face. After whichever you select, I will bring you a breakfast worthy of a girl of your fine-assedness. I'll have to search around to see what I've got, but I know I have some eggs and bacon. Also there may also be some english muffins.
I will make a fresh cup of coffee for you in the morning before you have to go to work or get out of my house. That I promise you.
So how about it? Are you down with coming over here tonight? No? FUCK YOU THEN WHORE!
Sorry, I lost my cool for a second. Why don't we meet at the the Borders Near Trader Joe's in downtown LaGrange for a cup of decent coffee, and discuss our second date? No? FUCK YOU THEN WHORE.
The Chooch Punisher
Punisher of Chooches
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