War? Huh, good God.....what is it good for?

Hello evildoers,

I, Jokey Jokemaker, just got back from the middle east.  I just got off the plane at O'Hare, (Shout outs to my peeps in first class, stay up fools, the time of the rich white man is coming soon).   I just watched the Obama speech from yesterday, and I could not believe how bad it was.  Was this a surprise speech?  Like, the Sox Vs, Indians game rain out, and they threw it to Obama and say: "You got 25 minutes?"  The premise of the speech was flawed from the get go.  First off, Obama has failed at all the initiatives he campaigned on.  I can understand how desperate he was to try to put the removal of troops in the win column.  Let's be clear, this is not win or victory, in fact that's why he did not use those specific words.  Saying this is a win is like yelling at the repo man towing your new car away that its o.k. the new car smell was gone anyways.

So, I have just called my Jewish friends and said "hey Jews, don't worry, we did this war thing, and now we can focus all our attention on getting you a few scraps land back.  I always ask my Jewish friends 2 things:
First, why did you kill my Lord and Savior?  Then I ask if their culture is known for being smart and wealthy, why didn't they buy a country like Puerto Rico or the Falklands, and go live there?  Why live in the middle east?  Your neighbors will all be assholes. But not to worry, there will be American troops in the middle east until late next year, and thanks to all the 24hr news feeds, the bad guys know that a shitload of the left.  I feel sorry for the Jews and American troops left behind and listening to this stupid presidential address.  They must be proud as shit.

I like Old Style beer, because its krasuened (pronounced "croy-zend)  which means "To improve the taste of shitty beer to less-shitty beer. If I were to krasuened this presidential address, I would have had the cast of glee come out and save Obama from his stumbling, disjointed speech.  If I were to krsusened the address, I would have had Outkast come out and Sing Bombs over Bagdhad, then smoothly transition into "Hey Yah,"  with Obama picking up a base guitar and playing the role of Johnny Vulture.  if I were to krausened the address, I would have had Obama come in to the intro that James Brown had in Rocky four, just before apollo creed gets killed in the ring by Arnold Scwartzenegger.  if I were to krausened the address, I would have announced that we have perfected invisibility technology, and would be sending ninjas to the middle east with this technology to kill bad guys.  This would have been something to watch.  The Obama address basically was as shitty as the Lebron Decision special on Sportcenter.  Hyped up?  Yep, Boring?  Yep.  Short in substance?  FO SHO!  I mean Obama is a great speaker, and he fucked that up.  Lebron is mildly funny, and he fucked that up too.  whats next?  CBS comedy shows winning Emmy's? 

Jokey Jokemaker
Emmy - Winner for Best Comedy Blog