Ask the Chooch Punisher

Heloo evildoers,

After a layoff because of illness, the Chooch Punichser has returned. I thank you for your dedication to the column, and I hope to continue to answer questions you may have about love, life, or punishing chooches. I have chosen a few questions that interested me the most, so here we go!

1) CP, I made the horrible mistake of calling out an ex-girlfriend's name in the act of puniishing my new girlfiends's chooch. What should I expect?

The Punisher says: Dude, its over. It may not happen now, or soon, but trust me, it's over. The seed of anger and doubt has been planted, and its just a matter of time before it grows into a deep-seeded resentment. There is nothing you can do to erase someon'es mind, so at this point, I would beginto quietly look for a new girlfriend, until the one you have breaks up with you.

2) Chooch Punisher, My girlfriend is super-athletic. So athletic in fact that she beats me in sports we play, like basketball. It gets embarrasing in front of other dudes. What should I do?

The Punisher says: Consider yourself lucky that you share a lot of the same interests. Look for opportunities to be her teammate, not her opponent. Never diminish her ego, in fact, feed it. Truth be told, most guys would LOVE to punish the chooch of a super-athletic woman like Serena Williams, knowing that they would be crushed if they played tennis. The fact is, athletic competitive women are like that in the bedroom as well. You can have a knowing smile on your face when the guys bust your balls about it. Lucky Bastard!

3) CP, My friend is gonna propose to his girlfriend and asked me for his honest opinion. I think its a mistake, should I tell him?

The Punisher says: I had a simialr question asked to me earlier, and I have thought about it. Your friend is asking for your opinion at the perfect moment. There will be time for him to see if the realtionship is worth it. If you don't speak up now, then it won't matter. If he gets mad, fuck him better him mad for a while, than miserable forever.

4) Why do women wear sexy clothes, and then get mad when we look at them?

The Punisher says: I have always heard that women dress for other women, not for men. I have also heard to women refer to certian pieces of clothing as "Man-catching clothes." I would actually love to hear some women's take on this question. Please comment to: Ask The Chooch Punisher.

Thanks,

The Chooch Punisher