New year, old regrets

Hello dear friends,

You guys caught me in a sentimental mood today, and for that, forgive me. Today, I want to write about the turning point of my young life. This was the watershed, "Now I am a man" moment. It occured while friends were at my house after shooting hoops at the local park. We decided to call up some girls from our old grammar school. One of the girls was a girl that I had a long-lived crush on. At one point a friend takes the phone and asks the girl out for me.

Emotions swirled in my head. Fear, anxiety, anger, courage. I put my head down, and listed to the phone as a response was forthcoming. "Why doesn't he ask me himself?" This was the opening i was waiting for. When i replayed the events in my head, i realized that this was not a "No" response, i could actually spit some game here and weasel a date out of the girl that I had crushed on for several years. My friends all were giggly and shit, and they handed me the phone. I struggled for some words to say, but none came. In my head, i had songs that reminded me of her, poetry that made me picture her, jokes and stories to make her laugh until the end of time.


"My friends were just kidding. What are you guys doing later?"

That was my reply. the conversation lost all its spark, all its sizzle, all its God-dammed potential to be the best moment of my life. I truthfully cannot remember the rest of the day. I regretted it as soon as it came out of my mouth. I could not take it back, i could not find the courage. That was the moment that i knew i was a man, because that moment I discovered regret. That event still follows me to this day, and i think about it a little each time I make a big decision. I have to admit that it has helped me creat a better relationship with my partner, but part of me wonders every now and then, how differently things would have been.

Don't let that old regret fester for today. Life is too short for all that.

Jokey Jokemaker