I work in academia. The most unrewarding, thankless arean of employment there is. From time to time, I have these "Wonder Years" moments, and I narrate the events of the day. Recently i re-read one of my fav books, and fell asleep. Inspired by The Inferno written by Dante Alligheri, I have had a dream. In that dream, the Phillosopher Socrates led me through the 7 rings of hell to Satan himself. Halfway through my life, i found myself at the top of a canyon, looking into the depths of hell.
Night of Thursday, Jan 1st through the week-end. Dream begins in the Dark Woods.
At the age of thirty-one, I realize that I am lost in the dark wood of worldliness, ignorance, and sin. I try to escape by climbing a sunlit mountain—an ascent which may signify my quest for enlightenment, or my hopes for a better life through philosophy or even a successful career. As monsters chase me, I run into Arne Duncan.
As I am being driven back down the mountain Duncan declares that the only route of escape is back down through Hell. That is, one must comprehend evil before one can master it. My descent begins and i am awed by what I see.
7th Ring, (Outer Ring) Slackers.
Slackers can be found on every level, but mostly reside on the outer ring. Theirs is a crime of sloth. their bodies are fat, shapeless forms, with no direction. This is a direct result of the directionless lives they led while they lived. They are generally lazy, waltz in to your office and ask for cherry schedules. "I know classes start tommorow, but can I get a full-time schedule going to school twice a week with Fridays off?" The slacker is the student that takes the most of your resources, and does so at a time when your frazzled nerves are at their worst. They are loud, and demanding, and need the most attention. "Can i get a Full-time schedule with classes from 12-2 so I can get home for Jeapordy?" Very few people make it out of this ring of hell, and are usually cast down there after a multiple year stint at a community college, and a semester or 2 of university. There are dedicated individuals who cater to slackers at the community colleges, the the universities chew slackers up and spit them out, usually back to the communuity colleges. When they burn out, the wind up here on the 7th ring. This level is full of bleeding blobs crashing in to each other while moving over jagged terrain
6th Ring (The Pig-heads)
These students wear actual pig-heads to show the stubborness with which they lived their lives. Pig-heads are those students who register for classes against the wishes of all those around them. They sit in your office, nod at your advice, and then go and register for the 7 hour automotive class, ehrn they are pre-med majors. Worse yet, they refuse to take a math class, when their major requires several math credits. "You want to be an engineer and not take a math class?" Not likely. This level of hell is filled with piggish squeals and pig people walling in the filth they made of their lives.
5th Ring (The Friends)
This ring of hell is populated by people who are chained at the hip to monsters who pull them into lakes of fire. Screams and ghoulish smells fill this level of hell. This ring is reserved for those students that always had a friend whose schedule they wanted to emulate. "I want the exact same classes as he/she." Hold-up there, your friend is smart as hell, and you are not. I have no fear about your friend splitting atoms and doing calculus in their head, but i fear you using sharp objects and chweing bubble gum at the same time. Usually, what winds up happening is your friend focuses on what they have to do, and they move on. These people who reside on this ring of hell, are left behind to forrow their brows in a vain attempt to make sense of what heppened. Those Criminal Justice credits won't help you get in to the nursing program, but what do counselors know? It's only their job to tell you what a mistake you are making.
Coming soon, rings 2-4
http://danteworlds.laits.utexas.edu/circle8a.html#audio
Jokey Jokemaker, Humanitarian
1 comment:
Dont forget about the kids with Helicopter parents. The kids that walk all over the campus with mommy or daddy, helping them register and selecting classes for them. The parents that want to sit in class with them and call and complain when Becky gets a D on her midterm. Sad. When I began my college career my mom kicked me in the pants on the way out and said "if you dont get good grades you have to drop out, work and pay me rent." Those were the good ole days.
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